Although I’ve told everyone (including college applications) that I first joined the school newspaper in my junior year, I am ready to admit that it was a lie for my last article at the CSArtisan.
“But Minji! It can’t be a lie! I’ve been your biggest fan for the past four years, and I’ve tracked every single one of your articles; all of them have been written between 11th and 12th grade,” you might say.
True, most of my work has been limited to those two years. But the first time I joined the CSArtisan was in 9th grade, hosted in the awkward silences of Mr. Turf’s Zoom Room. My camera was off, of course. But behind the blank Zoom box was an anxious 14-year-old who thought this was her one shot at fitting in at high school. This club would be my ticket to making friends and finding a sense of community; there is no way I can screw this up.
But, like always, life happens. Although I can’t remember exactly why I didn’t attend any more meetings or accomplish the things I promised to commit to, I do have the emails I sent to the Chief Editor with excuses. Here’s one attached:
Note: I never went to the social activism club.
The more meetings I missed, the more shame that gripped my soul. How could I not pounce on the opportunity to participate in this club? Wasn’t one of my goals to BECOME Chief Editor? And why didn’t I finish my emails with a proper
end message? The embarrassment was too much, and I swore never to join the newspaper club again to save myself from being recognized and ridiculed. I could already imagine the horror:
“Look! That’s the girl that never wrote an article even though she promised to!”
I made sure that my CSArtisan experience would end there.
And thankfully, it didn’t. With a bit of force from Sidney Tsai to choose Newspaper as one of my classes for Creative Writing and relief that it wasn’t being hosted in Mr. Turf’s Zoom Room (little did I know he was married to Mr. Blair…), I was able to reestablish myself.
Sure, my embarrassment might have been an overreaction, and nobody remembers my lack of involvement in 9th grade. But my attitude of shying away from things that I initially messed up on has been something I’ve had to recognize throughout high school. CSArtisan has been a catalyst for identifying that problem, and I’m so grateful for those who supported me through those rough times.
Thank you, Mr. Blair, for being the guiding light of the club and graciously understanding all those times I slept in class or sobbed my eyes out. Thank you to Abbey, who listened to my charged rants and remained an optimist throughout our struggles to use Figma. And thank you to everyone who reads the CSArtisan and doesn’t immediately flip to see the games. Initially, I did regret not being able to spend more time at the CSArtisan after totally ghosting the club in 9th grade. But now, I see that mistake as the event that started my growth, and I’m so happy to have grown a bit before being able to start again.
Cheers, Minji
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